


Silence.

by amareee



Series: One Direction (Straight Fics) [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, F/M, Fiction, Mute - Freeform, Romance, Teen Fiction, Teen Romance, artist, one direction - Freeform, relationship, teen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 23:25:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 4,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11473866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amareee/pseuds/amareee
Summary: "you don't like to say much, do you? well, that's okay. doesn't mean that i love you any less."or the one where emma meets zayn, the man who stole her heart.©amareee





	1. prologue ➳ emma.

_"i choose to show my actions over words because i can never find the exact words to say when i'm around you."_

**January 23rd, 2013**

I saw him standing there, leather jacket and combat boots, a cigarette hanging from his middle and forefinger; he seemed lost in thought, his eyes hooded as the smoke lazily drifted from his mouth. His raven black hair was perfectly messy, seemingly standing on its own as he looked up towards the gloomy sky's of Washington.

I kept my distance; I didn't want to interrupt his dreamy gaze and silent thinking. Although I did want to know what he was thinking about. I clutched my sketchbooks even tighter to my chest, my breath and words caught in my throat as he turned around and looked at me. Those soft, brooding brown eyes gazing at me, as if he were reaching down into the very depths of my soul. I tried to say something but nothing would come out, my words jumbled up inside my mouth with only a squeak managing to escape.

The beautiful man smiled and turned back around, walking towards a motorcycle and getting on, but not without looking at me once more before he started the engine and raced down the street. It was then that I felt the first feelings of love.

_But I had no idea just how painful love could be_ _._


	2. chapter one ➳ emma.

_"the simple fact that you understand was enough to make me fall head over heels."_

**February 14th, 2013**

I'd thought about the raven-haired stranger many times, wondering where he was and what he was doing at this present moment. There was something about him that made me want to better understand him; this gnawing need in my chest that I just _had_ to see him again.

That ache in my chest didn't last long; I saw him again today, and he was just as beautiful as the last time we met. He walked past me at first but stopped and turned me around, asking if I was the same girl he'd seen in January.

I tried to speak but the words were caught in my mouth again; my lips were twitching but I just couldn't speak. I grew nervous; say something for once, Emma! Before he walks away!

But again, he proved to me what a perfect stranger he was by only smiling and tilting his head in understanding. It was that moment when my heart swelled and I almost burst into tears. For once I didn't need to use my words.

Maybe my actions would be just enough.


	3. chapter two ➳ emma.

_"getting to know you is the easy part; but letting you in, that's another story."_

**February 22, 2013**

We sat in one of the best coffee shops in Seattle, facing each other at the table as he spoke about his work and how he dreamed of becoming a professional artist. He dreamed of late nights in a studio apartment with his future husband or wife, he dreamt of loving embraces and sweet kisses.

I tried to speak, I tried to tell him that I could give him what he wanted. I knew, because every time he said these things he looked right into my eyes, and I could feel my heart flutter each time he did it. So, I held up a finger for him to wait and reached into my bag, pulling out my sketchbook and flipping it to one of the least filled pages.

His eyes widened as I flipped past  sketches of animals, people, still life, and then he completely gasped as I landed on the page I was looking for. The drawing that would help me to help him realize that I had feelings for him.

He was standing in the same clothes he was in when I first saw him, the smoke floating away from the cigarette and being blown from between his lips with a strange sort of grace. I grew nervous due to his lack of speech. He ran his fingers over the drawing in absolute awe, and then he smiled, reading what I'd captioned the drawing.

_'an absolute beauty'_

I blushed and looked away from him, feeling a little embarrassed as I bit my lip. I felt him place his finger under my chin and raise up my head, his words making my cheeks even redder as my heart soared.

_"The only absolute beauty in this entire coffee shop is you, darling."_


	4. chapter three ➳ emma.

_"i always avert my eyes because i know that if i look at you, i won't be able to stop."_

**March 4, 2013**

He took me to his apartment, and I couldn't help but let my eyes widen and jaw drop in awe. He had paintings and drawings scattered about the area, some colorful, others a dark grey from the pencil and charcoal he used.

He had a king-sized bed in the corner by the window, a white comforter and two simple pillows scattered around the mattress. A few unfinished drawings lay on the coffee table, colored pencils and regular pencils laying among the paper on the table. An easel was back against the wall with a fresh canvas waiting to be painted on, the natural light of the sun highlighting the canvas.

It wasn't much, but it was home to him. We sat on the bed with warm cups of tea, Zayn chatting about his day at his part-time job while I quietly listened with a smile on my face.

I think that's what made me fall in love with him every time we were together; he never pushed me to talk. He simply understood that I didn't feel the need to talk and he never once bat an eyelash at that. The thought made me fondly smile as I looked down, watching the milk in my tea swirl around the dark brown liquid in my cup.

He continued to talk, speaking about this woman at his work that never seemed to understand the fact that he was interested in someone else (I prayed every night that he was talking about me) and he cracked some sort of joke, and I couldn't help but let my eyes crinkle up and my mouth open wide as I laughed.

But as quickly as it came I stopped, covering my mouth with one hand and looking at him with wide eyes. He'd stopped talking, and for a moment I thought he'd lost all interest. Until he grinned and scooted closer to me, his breath tickling my neck and ears as he leaned in and whispered,

_"Such a beautiful sound, from a beautiful human."_


	5. chapter four ➳ emma.

_"all i want really, is to be hugged, kissed, wanted, and loved. preferably by you."_

**April 15, 2013**

My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. I felt my nerves running through my body, like mini needles stabbing every part of me as we sat on his bed, finished with our dinner that I'd helped him cooked.

Our plates were long forgotten as they lie on the floor of his apartment, my back on the comforter of the bed as he looked over me with hooded eyes and slightly parted lips. I could feel his breath against mine, smelling of mint and cigarettes, the smell intoxicating as he gently lay his hands on my waist.

I was shaking; I was nervous. But the nerves were quickly washed away as he pressed his lips against mine, my heart beat going back to a slower and more normal heart rate as I closed my eyes and kissed him back.

My hands wove into his hair as we gently kissed, the feeling beyond euphoric. It was like the sun kissing the moon; light filling up the darkness. He pulled away and he smiled, resting his head in the crook of my neck while I grinned.

This feeling started to pool in the pit of my stomach, filling my entire body  with a warm, buzzing feeling; and I knew exactly what this feeling was.

_It was love._


	6. chapter five ➳ emma.

_"it doesn't matter where we are, or how we end up. i just know that when i'm by your side, i'm always home."_

**April 30th, 2013**

He'd asked me to move in with him, and who was I to say no? I didn't have much that I wanted at my old apartment, I just packed up my clothes and my art supplies and took them to his house, planning to sell the furniture on amazon or some other website.

Sometimes we'd lay together on the floor next to his window and look at the array of stars that came out at night, or we'd stay in and draw the first thing that came to mind, a grin on Zayn's face because every time I turned my paper around it would be him.

We were happy; _I_ was happy. To think that I would find something so beautiful with this man was so surreal, and I couldn't believe that I got to share my love with somebody who loved me just as much back. He made me feel like the luckiest woman on the planet; and I truly believed that I was.

He leaned over and peppered my face with kisses, lifting me from the floor and carrying me over to his- _our_ -bed, laying me down and looking into my eyes as he bit his lip.

" _I will always take care of you, my princess._ "


	7. chapter six ➳ emma.

_"i try very hard to keep myself unattached but when it comes to you i just can't bring myself to break free from your hypnotic ties."_

**May 2nd, 2013**

A big artist originating from the UK took interest in one of his paintings, and asked him to allow him to debut it to his gallery in London. We were both ecstatic; this was his big chance to finally become noticed. All of his hard work had paid off, and we were happy.

I was helping him pack and I reached for the painting he wanted to debut, about to uncover the tarp protecting it when he protested. He said he wanted it to be a surprise; and that's when he asked if I wanted to go with him. Beyond shocked and happy, I nodded yes. Because why wouldn't I want to go?

We had left for London a few days afterwards and were now walking around the exhibit, gorgeous paintings left and right on every wall. I was both excited and anxious as we grew nearer to where his painting was, dying to see what he'd painted and wanted to show to all of these people.

We'd finally turned the corner, arm in arm and I gasped, not wanting to believe what my eyes were showing me. The painting was of me, black and white with my fist pressed against my mouth and my eyes staring off into space. I only made that face when I was thinking about Zayn, or when I was looking at him; I didn't think he'd ever seen me like that.

I turned to him to see that he was grinning down at me, asking if I loved the painting. So overwhelmed with such a big reveal I could only nod, softly pressing my lips against him and placing my hands on his neck. He caressed me back, knowing that this was my way of saying thank you. This was something that I would truly never forget.

Because this is where everything started to go down hill.


	8. chapter seven ➳ emma.

_"and so you started to drift, and i couldn't help but think that i was the one pushing you away."_

**May 15, 2013**

His name was starting to flow out of every artist's mouth, he was wanted for every meeting and every job that consisted of painting or drawing, whether it be cartoon or life-like. He took every opportunity, the biggest smile on his face as he did so, and I was happy that he was doing what he'd always told me he dreamed of.

That's why I couldn't tell him how alone I felt.

He left often because most of his jobs were either out of state or overseas, and even though he offered me to go, I declined. I knew I would just be in the way. The more job offers he took the less time he had for me, and I understood that from the beginning that was how it was going to be.

The bigger he became the less time we would spend together, the more I would be alone and the more he would meet other people and experience new things. I remember, I had this gut feeling that something was wrong, something just felt _off_ , and it was confirmed when he'd stumbled into our apartment at two in the morning with a strong scent of alcohol and perfume, red lipstick littering the collar of his shirt as he looked over at me.

His eyes were hooded and they showed signs of regret, and that was when I knew. That was when my heart broke into two pieces and the tears rolled down the side of my cheeks, loud sobs escaping my lips as I shook my head and stood up to leave the apartment.

 _He had cheated on me_.


	9. chapter eight ➳ emma.

_"but out of all the people who could have beaten me down, ripped me apart, make me feel less than worthy. why did it have to be you?"_

**June 6th, 2013**

I could feel parts of myself slipping away into nothingness, my soul leaving my body to be just an empty shell. I refused to eat, I refused to do anything. Because everything reminded me of _him_.

Every time I went outside I could just hear his motorbike driving off somewhere, every time I walked by somebody with a joyous smile or a hearty laugh, all I could see was his huge smile and beautiful laugh. He tore me apart. He ripped away my soul.

I couldn't, I actually just couldn't feel anything anymore. Every time I thought about how in love I was with him I just shook my head and laughed. It was all a big lie. Love is great, yeah, but why actually fall in love? You're just delaying the pain that you'll feel later on in life.

And this, was that pain. Feeling like there was nothing in your chest; a gaping hole where your heart should be. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, I felt like crying until my throat hurt, and that's what I did. I just lay on the floor of my hotel room and cried until my throat turned raw, and then cried some more.

Because what was the point of falling in love again if you're just going to get hurt?


	10. chapter nine ➳ zayn.

_"just know that i care for you so much, and i am sorry that i never told you enough when i needed to."_

**July 17th, 2013**

I called her. Every day. I called her until my phone's battery ran down, and then I called her from the apartment line downstairs. I regret it. I regret every thing I fucking did, because I lost the most precious thing to me in this entire world.

Her baby blue eyes, her precious smile, the laugh I only had the privilege to hear when she chose to let herself go and laugh just a little too hard. I never got to hear her voice, hear just how beautiful I knew it would've sounded if she opened her mouth and just said one word.

I lost her; I lost her because I made the choice not to push away some woman that wanted to buy my paintings at the party held for artists a few blocks from the apartment. The party I didn't even think to invite her to. I'd thought she'd been acting distant from me, and it's only now that I realize that it was _me_ who was acting distant.

I had to find her so I could apologize and tell her what I'd planned to tell her for so long. If I didn't find her and tell her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself anymore.

_I had to find her so I could tell her that I love her._


	11. chapter ten ➳ emma.

_"the saddest kind of sad, is the sad that tries not to be sad."_

**August 22nd, 2013**

I tried not to show my pain. I tried. But I grew tired of it. Of the pain. I just wanted it all to end, I didn't want to feel this gaping hole, I didn't want to be pained with the memories that I'd made with him, all with a smile on my face as I did so.

I wouldn't have been smiling if I'd known that this is where I would've ended up. Alone in another hotel room, praying to someone that I would just die already. I was stuck; I wanted to die but I just couldn't _do_ it.

Because there was still a part of me that couldn't bare to leave him all alone by himself in this world, I just couldn't leave the idea of _him_ behind. His tanned skin, his brown, sometimes golden in the sunlight eyes, his voice that was as smooth as honey. I couldn't leave it behind, I couldn't forget about it because I was so in love with him.

But I couldn't go back to him, in fear that he was already with someone, probably that woman that he'd slept with. My things were probably gone, somewhere in the trash while she happily moved in with him. Just as I had done all those months ago. I chuckled to myself as I thought about it, shaking my head.

The poor girl. She'd end up just like me within a few weeks.


	12. chapter eleven ➳ emma.

_"i like you so much and, well, i thought you liked me too."_

**September 15th, 2013**

I was slipping away; I could feel it. I didn't really care if I lived or died anymore. Zayn was probably happy with who ever he was with now, my phone has been dead for months. I never really cared to plug it in anymore.

I might as well see if my parents called, even though their words wouldn't stop me from what I was about to do. I plugged in my phone then searched through my small backpack that I'd packed before leaving until I found what I was looking for.

I broke the razor I had and grabbed the small silver blade, running my fingers over the cool metal surface. It was almost calming; relaxing, even. I took the blade and walked into the bathroom, turning on the water in the bathtub when I heard the familiar ding of my phone go off saying that I had one message.

One message? Just one?

My thoughts had been confirmed that nobody cared if I was dead or alive, and I could feel the tears pooling into my eyes as the tub continued to fill with water. _Ding!_

What?

_Ding! Ding! Ding!_

I shut off the tub water and dropped the blade running back to my cell phone and sobbing all over again as I looked at the notifications.

_798 missed calls from "baby x". 798 voicemails from "baby x"._

I felt my heart swell and sink at the same time, not knowing what to feel anymore as I sunk down to the floor and drowned in my own tears.


	13. chapter twelve ➳ zayn.

_"i made the mistake of letting you go, and now that i've found you, i am never making that mistake again."_

**October 30th, 2013**

I finally arrived in front of the "Hilton Hotel" near the center of the city, looking down at the "Find My iPhone" app to see that yes, this was where she was.

I stepped inside and asked the receptionist what room she was in, using the excuse that I was her husband and that we'd planned to relax here for a couple of weeks.

I had no idea what she would do, what I would say. Would she even answer the door? Would she even want to listen to what I had to say?

I arrived at her hotel room, knocking on the door a couple of times. I was given a room key, and I wouldn't use it unless I absolutely had to. The door opened, and the sight almost made me cry out in agony.

She was thin; oh so thin. Her eyes that were once filled with life were a dead grey, her hair disheveled and messy. Her delicate skin was pale and looked as if it would break from the slightest pressure.

Her eyes were wide as she looked at me, her thin fingers reaching out to touch my face, to see if I was even real. Once her cold fingers made contact with my skin, the tears started to pool in her eyes, her mouth opening in shock.

Then, the first words that I had ever heard her speak completely broke my heart; her voice was so lifeless. I could feel the guilt fully weigh on my chest as her broken voice replayed in my head over and over again.

_"You, have utterly,_ **_ruined_ ** _me."_


	14. chapter thirteen ➳ emma.

_"you're just another chapter in my book; and i can't go on to the next page."_

**November 6th, 2013**

He'd asked me to move back in. I dumbly said yes. I was running out of money for the hotel so I didn't have much of a choice anyway.

He took my words seriously; he kept his distance. The only time he really ever spoke to me was when he was giving me dinner and asking if I needed anything.

But I knew he wanted to say more, _needed_ to say more. I didn't allow it, because I knew whatever it was he needed to tell me would make me want to stay with him for good, and I don't know if I could do that.

I couldn't, _wouldn't_ allow myself to go through what I encountered being with him.

Even if I did love him.


	15. chapter fourteen ➳ emma.

_"don't say them. don't you dare say those three words. because i know that if you do, i'll never be able to let you go."_

**December 25th, 2013**

It was Christmas, and I kept eyeing the gift that he'd given me in my hands. He went out to discuss another deal for his painting and he'd begged me to promise him that I'd open it, and I only replied with a slight nod.

I was nervous; I didn't know what it was going to be. I bit my lip as I let my fingers rub against the smooth, snowflake covered wrapping paper, the white ribbon begging to be pulled apart. I gave up resisting and pulled at the ribbon, watching it fall into my lap before gently unwrapping the paper.

A gasp escaped my lips as I looked at the black velvet box, afraid to even lift the lid up to an inch. When I'd gathered the courage to do so, a ring lay inside the box just as I had expected, a small paper inside with small handwriting on it.

_i've made mistakes, and the only way i can redeem myself and forgive myself for it is to marry the true love of my life. forgive me. i am so in love with you emma. i love you._

I closed the box as silent tears rolled down my cheeks; I took deep breaths, willed them to go away but they wouldn't stop. My mind wouldn't admit it but my heart already had already come to terms with what I was feeling.

If only he knew, that I had _already forgiven him_.


	16. chapter fifteen ➳ zayn.

_"there are two kinds of forgiveness. i'm lucky that she chose the kind that gives me another chance."_

**December 31, 2013**

I knew she'd opened my gift; she hasn't said a word since opening it. I was nervous. She could easily just throw the ring in my face and leave for good, and I didn't want that. I have made mistakes, and I realize now that Emma is and always will be the most important part of my life.

I've lived my life without her and it was...dull. Empty. Boring. My life didn't have a purpose, and living that experience has made me fully appreciate that Emma was and always will be the woman that changed my life.

I sat alone on the bathroom floor; I spent most of my days in here to give Emma some sort of privacy. I was surprised to see a pair of pale feet walk into the bathroom, my head snapping up to see that she was staring down at me.

She leaned down to my level and cupped my cheeks in her hands, and it was then that I felt the cold metal of the ring hit my warm cheek. I bit my lip to suppress the tears wanting to escape, the overflowing happiness warming my entire body. She'd forgiven me.

She leaned in and pressed a small kiss to my lips, a soft peck and nothing more. She pulled back and looked me in the eye, a small smile on her face as she opened her mouth to speak, her words healing my shattered heart.

_"I am, and always will be in love with you, Zayn Malik."_


	17. chapter sixteen ➳ emma.

_"it was then that i learned that you can't have love without pain. the two always have, and always will be, intertwined with one another."_

**January 23rd, 2014**

It'd been a full year since we'd met each other, and finally, after months of pain and suffering, I was happy with the one true person that I felt that I was meant to love. He caused me a great amount of pain, but I felt that it was worth it.

I'd thought, even after I'd forgiven him, about what would happen if I hadn't forgiven him. If I could love someone else just as much as I had loved him, and I realized that I couldn't. Because he loved me just as much as I loved him.

I spoke a little more often now, and he liked it. He liked it a lot. I did too, of course. I'd realized that maybe my actions weren't enough. I didn't have to speak much, but I felt that him occasionally hearing 'I love you' coming out of my mouth made him the happiest man in the world.

And the most important thing, was that I was happy right along with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end. xx


	18. playlist ➳ love and pain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because music is my inspiration.

**these songs are basically what helped inspire me to write this book, so if you want, take a listen to any (or all, you know) of the songs on here, they're amazing x**

Marry Me ➳ Train

Parachutes ➳ Coldplay

Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop ➳ Landon Pigg

Video Games ➳ Lana Del Rey

Sea of Love ➳ Cat Power

Goodbye My Lover ➳ James Blunt

Hallelujah ➳ Regina Spektor

Shelter ➳ Birdy

I'm A Mess ➳ Ed Sheeran

Skinny Love ➳ Birdy

Give Me Love ➳ Ed Sheeran

Christmas Lights ➳ Coldplay

To Build A Home ➳ The Cinematic Orchestra

Never Stop (Wedding Version) ➳ Safety Suit

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. x


End file.
